you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
