Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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