Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
