I'm jealous of your bromance
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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