You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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