Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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