Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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