I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
