I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
