well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
