Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
