I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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