I just cut my nipple shaving
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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