I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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