OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
