Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
