You smell like stripper and shame
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
