fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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