I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
