I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
