I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
