Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
