Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize