Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
