The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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