hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I wish there were birth control emojis
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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