Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
