Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
