I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
