I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
