Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
