just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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