He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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