Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
