you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
