I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
