She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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