But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
