She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
