piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
