Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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