so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
