the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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