Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
