hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
