: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The air taste purple.
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