it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
