Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
