im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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