i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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