Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
