he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
