They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I am one with the molecules
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
