but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
