i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
