Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
