Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
