I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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