Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
