Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
