I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
