Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
