Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
