you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
