Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
