i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
