either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
