If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
if only i could text you this smell
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
