guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
