imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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