I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
