i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Randomize
